


In Case of Emergency, Break Glass

by surskitty



Series: Uncertainty is the Normal State (you're nobody special) [1]
Category: Suikoden I, Suikoden IV
Genre: Angst, Fanfiction, Gen, Humor, much is explained, plot contrivance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:48:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surskitty/pseuds/surskitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Ted hates his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Sometimes, Ted hates his life. That is a lie: ‘sometimes’ implies he stops. But after the fourth time he collapses in a bush after a losing battle with a pack of bonbons and lands on a picnic basket (he’s fine until one gets close enough to hit him, and then he hurts in places he didn’t know he had, and after the seventh time he discovers more places to injure, he’s rather impressed), he’s worked up a good and proper rage.

The basket’s a loss, but the contents — a banana and a ham sandwich — look fine. … Ted is not sure why there is a banana. It’s not as though he’s ever seen one in person before; the climate’s all wrong for them. But other than the banana being a banana, they look fine, and anyway it’s not as though he’s eaten anything since the pot of rabbit stew he tripped over yesterday.

… Ted hates his life.


	2. If Life Gives You Lemons, Claim You're Allergic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is some semblance of earth logic, and also Leknaat.

The first indication that something was wrong is that when Ted collapsed in a ditch, the ditch was still there when he woke up. Not that he logically expects that to have not been the case, but it’s surprising how often the world’s full of surprises. Why, once he fainted outside Qlon from hunger and woke up on Magician’s Island having had a bath and lunch and everything. What are the chances?

But the thing about the ditch still being there when he wakes up is that _he’s still in a ditch_. Ditches are the worst.

They’re even worse when he’s not alone in them. “Hi,” he says uncertainly.

“`Fear not`,” says the creepy pale-blue spectre floating next to him. “`I am Leknaat, the Keeper of Balance.`”

He blinks. “I think I lost mine,” he says. She doesn’t react. “‘s why I’m in a hole.” She still doesn’t react. “It’s a joke.”

“`You bear a great burden,`” she continues with her characteristic dramatic reverb, ignoring him, “`one which will shape your destiny.`”

“Are you trying to explain to me my rune?” he snipes. She glows uncaringly. “Because I’ve _had it for six years_.”

“`You will undergo many trials, but do not worry: the future has not yet been determined`,” she says, then starts, running a hand through her hair: “— pardon, did you say six years?”

Ted nods, then after realising she might not have noticed, mumbles, “yeah.”

“You’re Ted, then, not Ilia of the Na-Nal elves.” He nods and mumbles again. “Oh, dear, this hardly ever happens.”

He hardly ever gets into conversations while stuck in a ditch, either, but that doesn’t seem to have stopped today. “Do you want to start over?” he says with as much sympathy as he can manage.

“I can manage, thank you.” She fades out a little, clears her throat, fades back in: “`Bearer of a Cursed Rune, let this be unto you a warning. Though the strands of fate untangle themselves for your sake, no more shall I and mine intervene without you having contributed your half of the bargain.`”

“What?”

“Viki’s sick of making you lunch, child,” she says flatly.

“I’m not a kid! I’m 13!”

“Regardless,” she says, utterly unimpressed, “you need to get a job and learn to take care of yourself. You can’t let the rune handle everything for you, particularly if you wish to do your duty and keep it safe.”

“How am I supposed to get a job _and_ stay away from people at the same time?” he mopes.

She shakes her head. “That sounds like a personal problem,” she says as she slowly fades out. He watches her go in escalating fury, but …

… he still doesn’t know how to get back out of the ditch.


End file.
